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In the name of Filial Piety & Relationship between Couple

Many of us in some way or another in our Asian context have teaching on filial piety and have touching story regardless of race, religion & cultural background.  Many have heard the Confucius’s teaching on it, heard the story of crow showing filial piety by feeding its’ own aged parents is something many of us out there would want to incubate in our children today.

The balance in filial piety & relationship between couple are very much needed in today’s world.  The issues between in-laws and couples are nothing new under the sun. 

I would like to talk about the causes of broken relationship in couple due to the imbalance and superhero’s syndrome in one’s responsibilities in couples.
 
There are cases which I have heard, seen and handled in couples in relationship.  There contributing factors which add onto the stress on today’s couples in relationship or even the individual in relationship on elderly causing the breakdown of marriages or strains of relationship in couples.  

There are cases which the relationship of both individual in a relationship as marriage went wrong due to excessiveness of responsibilities for his or her own parents.

This individual felt the strains of responsibilities as a son or daughter but the individual felt that she or he has no choice but to do it beyond his or her own capabilities.

There is something call The Superhero Syndrome set in for some.

When explored with the individual felt that she or he has no choice but to undertake the tremendous stress as she or he is the only one can settle the issues for his or her own parents.

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When explored on the possibilities of siblings’ help in the family matter.

Common communication to the other one in partnership in marriage without detailed consideration of the purpose, common objectives in building both lives together as one.  Sometimes is due to one’s perspectives and worldview.

1. No, it is my responsibilities to do so to help my family.

2. My siblings won’t be able to help, stop bugging me.

3. My siblings’ do not have the finances

4. Please do not interfere into my family business as I would not do so if it is  
    the case for you to help your family.

5. It is my earning that contributing to my own family

6. It is my own business if I take a loan for my family.  Anything I will be
    responsible and not you.

7. It is my own money and not yours.  I can use it anyway I want.

8. If it is your own family, will you leave them in a lurch?

The list goes on and on.

By above, one is telling the underlying message as might interpreted by the others without clear, distinctive communication in couple relationship in marriage not in above sequence:

1. I am not interested in what you have to say.
2. I am not using your money.
3. I am not part of you.
4. We are separate entities.
5. I am not responsible to you neither do you need to be responsible 
     to me.
6. You lead your own life and I lead mine.
7. Why bothers?
8. You are irritating.
9. Don’t step into my territory.

And the list goes on and on.

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WORK/EXPLORATION WITH THIS INDIVIDUAL
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Question: "Have you approached your siblings for help?"
Answer: No.
Question: “How come?”
Answer: I can’t, I must understand their issues, and they have their own family.
Question: “Don’t you have your own family? How about your spouse? 
Answer: “It is alright, it has been like that all these while.”
Question: “You mean your relationship from the start is like that.”
Index person gave a blank look.
Question: “Could the cause of breakdown in your relationship due to the over responsibilities as an individual or beyond your capabilities sometimes.”
Answer: “I would think so but I have no choice.”

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WORK/EXPLORATION WITH THIS INDIVIDUAL
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Question: “How frequent you have intimacy with your spouse?”
Answer: “Err, hardly.”
Question: “Hardly mean?”
Answer: “We have reached a level that we do not need that anymore.”
Question: “Oh I see.”
Answer: “Yes, we already been married for so many years, such things are not needed anymore.”
Question: “But both are young, not even showing of affection? How long you both have not been “dating” after marriage?”
Answer: “Oh it has been a long time. We do not required it anymore.”
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The above communication tells about the signs and Superhero’s syndrome in some people.  When two comes as a couple in relationships in marriage, two became one. One has to consider the needs & one of the other partners by prioritising & discussion of the issues & help needed to render to own family but not operating as a separate unit especially when both are new to the relationship as in marriage life.

When one operating as a unit to do what she or he would clearly show challenges, no respect for the others and disintegrate the whole unit of two parties involved.  With non communication or miscommunication between two parties build up a non fertile relationship and drifted apart as the days, weeks, months, years passed by ending up in broken marriages or broken relationship.  In the midst of drifting, the individual may or might seek relationship outside of the marriage to find comfort and love.

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Articles: Submissiveness & Delusion of Love

Case 1

In the earlier hours today, in my communication with someone I know for almost two years.  This unique individual who has been struggling to let go or not to of his relationship for almost a year. 

At the start, he asked me will a criminal psychopath change his way.  I was puzzled as the question I knew wasn't directed to real case.  I found out it has to do with his partner's addiction to ONS.  I was told that he has cut off totally from the partner at this point of time and he is so much happier, confident that he walked out of his past.

The love he had for his partner blinded him to even give in to his partner's needs of different sex partners within their relationship as he mentioned now.  He is totally astounded by his behaviours and acceptance of so call “fate” & submissiveness he mentioned a year ago.

He was then at a confused state that time, willingly to succumb to what is called the responsibilities & submission as a passive partner in the relationship to accept the “promiscuous” lifestyle his ex partner led.

Case 2

I had a friend, a girlfriend who is in her fifties now with 3 growth up children. She is a gentle, caring, nurturing mother, dutiful wife & a faithful follower of Christ.  She is a praying mother & praying wife for the blessings for her children & family.  In the facade of friends, her church mates or even to her own very self.  In the last ten years of marriage, she was not happy with how things were going on in her relationship. She tolerated her spouse’s short temper, verbal abuse, sometimes physical violence on her, totally in submission at the mercy of her spouse. When she felt lost, she distract herself by drinking, numbing herself from all senses to run away from the matter of fact that such things occurred to her no matter how dutiful & responsible she is to the family.

I was closed to the family and always regard her as my own mother.  One day, I had an opportunity to explore with her asking what can she do with all these abuse that she received for years and will there be a way to stop all these to have respect and gain love from her spouse rather than have sadness & anger bottling in her.  I explored with her whether they wanted to get some help, support or even go to the extent of getting protection order.   She gave me a look with bit of sadness and told me that it is of no use, she just can’t do it as the kids are still young, it is her duties to submit to her spouse as the bible instructed her to be all faithful & to be all submissive as a wife to her husband.

Even as today, she is free from the hell she once was in as she mentioned though.  She still miss very much of her spouse who has passed on in life.

Evaluation

We are not here to discussion on religion teaching as case 2 the involved person is a faithful Christian.  Let us think for a moment the illusion of love & incorrect of interpretation of submissiveness in both cases even to the extent of self sacrificing and suffers in silent? The successful intervention & prevention need the willingness & action of the involved parties, what can be done if hurting parties are not willing to do anything for themselves?

In Case 1.

The risk of passing sexual diseases from his partner who is addicted to ONS for the name of submission and disillusion of love to accept all that the partner has done.  Let us think about the emotional & mental health of both cases who suffer in silence.   Do we have people around us who are suffering in such way?  And what other damages did as in both cases?

All materials or pictures belong to Hypnosis Training Asia @ 2007.

 <Photo 1>

Going home, the Final journey back to where one belongs.

I have a case where a young man of 24 years of age diagnosed with 3 months of lifespan- oversea.  Though I do not know him personally only through a friend in another city who shared this with me.

Imagine a young life fading away like the leaves fallen from the autumn tree with fear of death, by uncertainty, losing of direction with a sense of regrets.

I was told that he is suffering alone, does not let his family knows that he has contracted this incurable desease, without much and his rejection of  community support to be alone.

Though we are near yet are ocean apart.  I offer myself to be with you during your last journey back home and yet to hear from you.

My friend, I wrote this for you whom I have never met for your journey back home with love, peace, comfort & courage. I felt the pain, the struggles, your shock of the news, the denial, the anger, the fear and more before departing from the life you love dearly to be alone.   A journey back home to where you belong.

No one truely can says that they understand or know the process you went through.  I hope to bring you comfort, peace & love though we are ocean apart.
________________________________________________________________

What I have wrote for you my dear friend whom I never meet in this life time (July, 2008)

I send you loving thoughts and peace on your way home to the place you belong...

Let it go even though your heart & fist are clenching so tighty, never wanted to let it go...

Let it go...let it go (Voice going softer & softer)
let go of the mundane of this life...into the everlasting place you belongs...

A place fills with love, peace all around ...Let it go...

To the place where you belong...let it go...
where there is no more fear...let it go...

To the place where you belong ...let it go...
where there is no more tears...let it go...

To the place where you belong where there is no more regrets...let it go...
To that place of love...
of peace...& of  happiness...
in the moment of beautiful transition of life...

Where the sting of death has no hold on you...

May you find strength, love, peace, courage within yourself on the final journey back home.
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2008@Hypnosis Training Asia www.hypnosisasia.com.sg
Death & Conscious Dying (APCTC-AU)
All materials written here or pictures belong to Hypnosis Training Asia @2008

Article: I need help, I need advise, I need friends

There are questions directed to me in these two years of independence practice as a certified hypnotherapist, a life educator or as a lay helper some 10 years ago.

Many of these questions related to some underlying issues some people have in life and they either know it or do not; they find and felt that it was such a sin to be of inclining to the same sex orientation.

Constantly, some live in fear, some live in self-guilt, some have anger directed towards themselves, some are frustrated, some became depressed, some live happily knowing where they are heading, some might have just suppress the needs & wants of belonging of the same sex even for some had disappointments that they do not believe in monogamous relationship in same the same sex orientation.

These listed above are not something new under the sun, many of them are conscious of what the happening within self or some are just lost like a man without maps heading to where they want to be.

All above somewhat affecting the individually socially, mentally or psychologically, might or might not be causing dynfunctioning of the individual.

The following two conversations with two individuals.

IP = Individual that direct the questions.
Answer = Hypnosis Training Asia

Scenario 1

IP: “You practice hypnosis right.”
Answer: “Yes.”

IP: “Can you make me a straight?”
Answer: “hmm, is a rather difficult question. It does not depend on me alone. Let me know what & how that bothers you in the first place. Aren’t you happy to be who you are?”

IP: “I am a married man. I felt guilty and ashamed of this small secret that has been bugging me all these while.”

Answer: “Firstly, I like to thank you for having this confidence in me to share with me this secret with me.”

Scenario 2 (Some 13 years back)

IP: “Hey, how are you?”
Answer: “I am doing great, how is life? It is great to bump into you after so many years. Are you working now or studying?”

IP: “I have graduated from polytechnic and started working.”
IP: “Calvin, Thank you.”
Answer: “Huh? What is that for?”

IP: “I am seeing someone, a girl, for the last two years and would be engaging soon.”
Answer: “Wow, isn’t that wonderful? Congrat!.”

IP: “I thought of what you told me years back.”
Answer: “Yes?”

IP: “I nearly took hormones for enlarging breast, remember? I was wore heavy make up as a guy while schooling years back.”
Answer: “Oh, yes. I can still remember. It was horrifying because I was being targeted as an enemy of your group.”

IP: “That is why I am thanking you for waking me up. I thought of what you have shared, I thought about it and think that I was influenced by the group of “sisters” I hung out with last time.”
Answer: “You know what? I am glad that you found the best solution for yourself which no one can force on you or make the decision for you.”

IP: “Yea.”
Answer: “Great! Hope to see you again.”
IP: “Thank you.”

IP with a smile on his face, waving to me goodbye that I will never forget.

Disclaimer: 2007 @ http://www.hypnosisasia.com.sg Training Asia neither promote, encouraging homosexuality nor against same sex orientation in any part of it’s’ practice or any articles posted on above content. Each man has his/her preferred lifestyle and perspectives that Hypnosis Training Asia respect and readily accepts of who the person is and what lifestyle the individual is leading. The above cases mentioned are questions directed to Hypnosis Training Asia. The bove content is written for educational purposes. No names are mentioned for private and confidentiality. The above mentioned are in general not directing to anyone who is facing the same issues. We are not responsible for the sensitivity of emotions of anyone who is reading or have read this article.

I do not please others with what I say-Unknown Author.

The Truth Shall Set You Free

There are many interesting finds out about the word truth on the internet while I was put words on paper on “The truth shall set you free” in my newsletter, incorporating to the early training I have received from school for my awareness group consisting of adult learners.

Interesting from the research the word truth, it has different definitions ways of interpretation by the following philosophers & leaders not limiting to the following mentioned:

1.  Medieval philosophers

In early Islamic philosophy, Avicenna (Ibn Sina) defined truth as:

What corresponds in the mind to what is outside it.

2. Modern philosopher, Immanuel Kant stated that the meaning of the word truth extends from honesty, good faith, and sincerity in general, to agreement with fact or reality in particular.

3.Mohandas "Mahatma" Gandhi dedicated his life to the wider purpose of discovering truth, or Satya. He tried to achieve this by learning from his own mistakes and conducting experiments on himself. Gandhi stated that the most important battle to fight was overcoming his own demons, fears, and insecurities. Gandhi summarized his beliefs first when he said "God is Truth". He would later change this statement to "Truth is God".

4. According to Kitaro Nishida, "knowledge of things in the world begins with the differentiation of unitary consciousness into knower and known and ends with self and things becoming one again. Such unification takes form not only in knowing but in the valuing (of truth) that directs knowing, the willing that directs action, and the feeling or emotive reach that directs sensing."

5. Philosopher and theologian Joseph Ratzinger, before his election as Benedict XVI, explored the relationship of truth with tolerance, conscience, freedom, and religion. For him, "beyond all particular questions, the real problem lies in the question of truth."

Index 6. Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) quotes all truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. 

Galileo Galilei, Italian natural Philosopher, Astronomer and Mathematician who made fundamental contributions to the development of the scientific method and to the sciences of motion, astronomy and strength of materials.

The truth shall set you free – Author Bible

The Psychological approach to apply “The Truth” in whichever situation arises.  People go through different processes.  One thing in the psychological process is the same for everyone regardless of race, religion, color, language or genders.  Had anyone has lost something which was precious before? Like someone they loved, someone whom they are closely connected like a grandparent or a family member?

Even losing of material things like a mobile phone, or even an heirloom passed down from the forefathers? Which many of these mentioned above might have sentiment values or values as in terms of money.

For those who have lost of a person or material thing which had sentimental values.  What was the process that we went through?  Could we travel back in time to recall the lost we experienced, the emotions such as frustration or anger, the pain, denial mode, withdrawal to the acceptance that the things or people were gone from us forever?

As for losing someone precious in life due to pre-mature death through accidents or self harm, old age or even just separation for those in broken relationship.  Many would be in denial mode that this cant be truth, some gets into clinical depression due to not be able to acceptance the Reality that the person they love had gone forever from their life, started to buying into their illusion, any sort you could name it if you know and not being able to be a normal functioning individual.   Cases of such might not be necessary that to have to do with death only for some cases.  There are cases of separation or divorced cases, or students not able to do well in examinations or anyone that walk down the street who aren’t able to withstand the reality of life lapsing into clinical depression or even to the extend of self harm.

When many are asked, whether you or I, we can be agreeable with one another that Truth hurts so much and sometimes kills the spirit in us.  Some may break down or some may become chaotic within them, the question of why, how come starts to roll, some may stop functioning altogether which is disruptive to their life.   I believed that some of us had witness one or two cases as such but we felt so helpless to assist or help.

Many of times, we do not want the truth. Isn’t that right? Truth is painful and truth is cruel.  Therefore, sometimes, we do not even speak of truth; we withdraw to ourselves, only speak what others like to hear and like to know.  Many of times, we may evade the truth from ourselves even not taking care of our emotional needs and our wants.  But of course, some would say that that is how life operates; some would say I would not want to offend others.  Of course, we are not talking about confrontation here that would cut off connection with people and we do not want enemies for ourselves, right?

With index 6.

Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) quotes all truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.

How do we discover them? And with this quote when everything became easy to understand after being discovered.  Where will we be at?  Of course, we won’t beat the blues.  We will be graciously accepting what life is teaching us.  Do we get in between emotions?  Yes, we still do but we will have the knowledge to do more and caring for ourselves.

With the quote of index 1. In early Islamic philosophy, Avicenna (Ibn Sina) defined truth as what corresponds in the mind to what is outside it.

Why there are people who seemed not being able to come out of the specific situation they are in and not being able to function as a person when an individual could not correspond what in the mind to what is the reality. (We are not talking about death & dying, losing someone to the sting of death as this is a more in depth write up and complex process of loss.)

Last but not least, Hypnosis Training Asia hopes that you have an enjoyable time reading of this article.  Take times to digest, take times to share, take times to explore SELF &of course take times sometimes to ask questions within SELF.

COPY RIGHT©2007 by Hypnosis Training Asia@www.hypnosisasia.com.sg

Disclaimer:        

The above write up is not definite of happening to the individual depending of personality types, values, beliefs system as well as support they have. All materials belong to Hypnosis Training Asia.

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Important of Information

What is Hypnosis?

The Myth of Hypnosis

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Contact Information

Contact person: Dexter C.Lim
Hyponosis Instructor (USA)
Certified Hypnotist (USA)
Instructor for S.I.P (USA)
Death & Conscious Dying (APCTC-AU)
Dip. in CNSL Counseling Psychology (ACAP-AU)

+65 8333 3898
HYPNOSIS TRAINING ASIA
www.hypnosisasia.com.sg
general@hypnosisasia.com.sg

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Why Suicide Intervention & Prevention in Schools?

Concern 1: Will the teachers or pastoral care givers qualify to do such work as questioned by many school counsellors?

Concern 2: For which level of students’ counsellors or leaders/teachers

Concern 3: Will this training be conducted after school hours


Answer 1: This program is for any lay person includes parents, volunteer, students’ counsellors, guidance officers, administrative staffs or anyone who has connection with people regardless of their qualification, they need not to be counselling, psychology trained to be able to reach out to anyone in distress with suicide ideation or intention. This program gives them the tools and techniques to do the suicidal questioning to persuade and referral to the professional help for early intervention. This program is not counselling based program or it is not a psychological tool for assessment, this program help the individual to detect untold or unknown suicidal ideation to prevent completion of suicide.


Answer 2: Students’ leaders and Students’ counsellors or peer counsellors who are identify & determined by your school with certain level of maturity. Teachers would be teacher counsellors, HOD or even the school counsellors can attend if they do not have suicide intervention & prevention experiences or training.



Answer 3: No, it will be conducted within school hours on weekday unless there are requirement to do on weekends by schools.


As this topic could be less spoken in our Asian context, we are committed to create awareness of importance of suicide intervention and to train as many lay person in our community. I will take a little time to write here to share with you on the reasons why Hypnosis Training Asia does this seminar or workshop - To create awareness on the benefits of able to do early intervention which save lives with the humble mission to “Be a Part of Restoration Hope and Love in Our Global Community”.


Suicide intervention & Prevention coincided with Our Mission Statement on Restoration of Hope & Love in Our Global Community as completion of suicide left many with broken hope, dreams and broken love for the survivals of completion of the suicide individual. There are many of times which the suicidal individual was regretful of his/ her course of action but it was too late as consequences was irreversible for example of a recent case of a special friend which I dealt with and work with the individual after committing the act of suicide was revived. Yet the harm done on drinking bleach was too great that broken down the organs in the body. This special individual spoken to me while I was working with him that he wanted to be able to reach out to similar people who have such ideation because of challenges they are facing in life issues. But it was “that moment too late”. It was through this incident of this special friend that gave Hypnosis Training Asia, the motivating drive to conduct this workshop to bring it as a wonderful gift in the community which I lived in to detect, to identify, to give love, to give opportunity when life seemed to be in darkness for them in their life.


In life, we heard from our environment regardless of whichever profession we are in. There are people, we heard, jokingly talk about suicide at times regardless of social economic status, and how do we response to such talk? Many often we heard some saying, “Do not be silly!”, “Do not be so negative.”, or think to themselves “these are just talk and jokes.” Many of times these are alarm sounding for someone who listens of the ideation of suicide and what is the different in suicide communication and interpersonal communication with such individual? What we think and feel would be different from these individual. Why some kids would tell adults or parents,” You never understand!”, “You never listen!” and why there are young people complete suicides across the world or went wayward? As for the young hearts, do they choose what they did? Or just lack of coping skills in life crisis or misinterpret what the adult has communicated to them for certain behaviours or action which they bear the consequences?


Other reasons for such involvement of suicidal training the public as such was there were cases of distance relatives or friends who had completed suicide around me when I was at younger age. At the much younger age, with lack of life experiences and training, I was not able to assist or help in any way but just lent a listening ear as I was not trained to do intervention work. As I am trained in this specialised area, I like to give it back as a gift to the community I live in to allow others to be able to reach out to these known or stranger they meet in life who has suicidal ideation.


In the past years of work as an individual and referral of cases from people I know or through volunteer work with children with disabilities, aids patients, terminally ill, mal-functional family and BGR issues etc. I decided to include this seminar on Suicide Intervention & Prevention to create awareness, train anyone who care to look out in their environment of the individual on Suicide ideation as part of social responsibility and community support.


Hypnosis Training Asia is an independent or a training centre per say to provide total wellness cognitively, emotionally and psychologically with the different types of therapy sessions which it received the necessary training and have the years of experiences in the work involved.



1. S.I.P workshops - A Brave Story


a. Who is this for?


- Pastoral Care Personnel

· - Primary Care Givers to young, youth & elderly

· - Educational professionals

· - Parents

· - Healthcare professionals

· - School Counsellors

· - Student Counsellors

b. What you will learn?

- Learn about suicidal communication & How to apply EPRC techniques

- How to persuade suicidal individual before help comes

- The psychological process of suicidal individual

- EPRC of communication: Using effective tools to, questions, persuade
and referral to professional within local community such as pychologists,
counsellors, psychiatrist

- The Myth of Suicide and general misconceptions

- Professional referral within local community



c. What are the benefits? - Turning hopelessness into hopefulness

- Appropriate questioning, persuading & referral

- Early intervention saves lives


For clarification or for a non-obligatory discussion, please contact me at +65 9800 3438


Contact information

+65 8333 3898

+65 9800 3438

www.hypnosisasia.com.sg

s.i.p@hypnosisasia.com.sg



MISSION STATEMENT


Turning Hopelessness into Hopefulness

One Voice, One Heart, One Global Community

Restoration of Hope & Love in Our Global Community

Additional Information


Other services provided?


1. Certification in S.I.P (Helper)

2. S.I.P Workshop

3. Empowering workshop (Youth to Elderly)

4. Stress Management workshop


- Relaxation methods

- Coping with stressors

- Letting go techniques

- What does stress do to our body?

- The different form of stress

- Living a stress free & healthier life



5. Individual & group Coaching

- Insomnia

- Esteem issues

- Sport Performance

- Addictions & Substance Misuses

- Conflict resolution

- Death & Dying

- Weight Management & more



6. Hypnosis Certification

7. Script Writing

8. Corporate Services (Retrenchment Exercise)


- Compensation beyond Retrenchment

- Coping with loss

- Getting into reality

- Resolving internal conflicts

- Self Esteem & Moving on

9. Certificate in Soft Skills Training

10. Certificate in Interpersonal skills


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Case Studies-Decision Making

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Article.:The Process of Letting Go-A Module in Death & conscious Dying